My Grandma

I thought I had to dedicate this post specially to my grandma.All the thoughts and emotions I have been keeping inside has been trying to burst out of me for sometime now. Its just sooo painful dat it has become numb. I wanna keep crying. I wanna feel the pain but i cant. I miss her sooo much. I wanna give her the flower we both like. I wanna c her on the sofa when i go to her house. I wanna talk to her like we used to. I wanna touch her hand and tell her I love her sooo much. I wanna go to her house and sit beside her watch her stupid drama serials and comment and all the nonsense together wid her. I wanna kiss her on the cheek n get a kiss back. I wanna hug her...play scrabble wid her n help her win. I wanna have lunch with her.

Everyday in sch...i jus feel more n more numb. I keep my feelings in myself coz ppl tend to think dat i shld be fine by now. but im not. I jus cant b. I am closer to my grandma than my mum. I do love my mum but everytime i go to my grandma's house there is warmth and u jus feel sooo loved. Even my friends have felt it. There is really no place i feel more at home than my grandma's house.

I miss my cousin leela akka. She was always there when i needed her. now she is uk n i cant even b there to comfort her...afterall she was the closest to my grandma. I feel like hugging her and consoling her but i cant. I feel sooo frustrated, angry and yet sooo numb. I feel very detached from myself. put up a front n life goes on for me.